I want to die.

Tonight was the most painful thing that i've felt in a long time.
I don't know for sure whats going on.
But i've got a fair idea.
and i want to fucking die.
my friend, that we worked with, that left recently, had a facebook status, saying "life is so awesome at the moment, gotta love it- with such and such AND HIM.
Okay. i worried, i thought he was at work, i called work, i herd him, then i happened to see him drive past later on.
her in the car.
he stopped, and came over, and..
they;re together.
they must be together. they aren't just friends, i texted her earlier saying stuff, we had a convo. i asked her what she was doing tonight. she skipped the question.
whenhe got out of the car. she didnt. why wouldnt you? she had JUST told me she missed me.

YOU FUCKING LYING STUPID BITCH!!! YOU KNEW HOW I FELT ABOUT HIM! YOU FUCKING KNEW. FUCK YOU. FUCK HIM. FUCK OFF FUCKFUFKFFUFUFUFUUUUCK.
god. i sound so angry now. but im hurting. i really am. im screaming. i want to slice my skin open. i want to hurt, i want to die! i fucking. i broke down afterwoods, after he left and we were walking across the road, i started crying. my "bestfriend" didnt even fucking care.
fuck
i hate this
i want to die.
i want to die.
:(
she suggested maybe they're just friends! but WHY wouldn't she tell me what she was doing ?
why the fuck?
why.
and it explains why, he hasn't been replying to my texts, explains why hes been acting like hes got another girl. because. he probably fucking does.
i'm hurting.
i am hurting.
i cant do this.
i'm so angry. so angry. I'VE CHANGED EVERYTHING FOR HIM. and i'm still not fucking good enough. WHY AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYONE!?? WHY!! and fuck you! you stupid bitch.
SHE KNEW HOW I FELT ABOUT HIM. WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE FRIENDS. SHE KNEW. SHE KNEW .
he seemed sorry. before he left he was like. give me a cuddle.
and hugged me.
i didnt move my arms. just put my head over his shoulder.
\why
cant this one time
god give me the one thing i'm asking for.
why can't i just have one thing?
am i really that repulsive? am i really that horrible and disgusting?
please god. please. whatever, whoever, you are, please listen, please hear me, please help me.
please give me this.
just this.
please.
please let me be wrong about my assumption.
please.
please.
please.
help.