I'm so sick of everything. I hate fucking everything. I'm sick of one.
fuck. you. all. ugh. you're all the same.

I'm tired of being in love. it shouldn't hurt like this.

Whats the reason behind trying?!
I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE. 

I don't see the point anymore.

I can't breathe, I can't sleep, I can't smile... I can't get away from these feelings, they chase me everywhere. They echo your name. I can't get away from you. ugh. fuck. I can't get away from my own head. I can't block things out. Something little happens and I want to cry, I do cry and it keeps happening, because I keep thinking about how fucking useless I am. I can't even... there's no point to anything anymore. I can't be fucked trying because no matter how hard I try I fail. no matter what the fuck I do... I fail. I'm failing maths. I'm failing biology. I'm failing art. I'm failing at living. I'm failing at happiness. I'm failing at having you. I just. I'm failing. I'm just a failed attempt at everything. Why don't I get it? why can't I have you.. justt once. you?

Nothing in the world.

I want nothing more than you. nothing more than being able to hold your hand. I want nothing more than feeling your chest, listening to your heart beat in my ears, because for that, I feel safe. I want nothing more than you to hold me close. Be with me. Love me. I don't want anything in the entire world as much as I want you.
you. 
it's all for you. 

Last night.

When he was telling me about her, what she's doing, i thought I hated her because 'I would never be like that..'
But then a realised why, why I hate her so much.
It's because I would, I would do the exact same things, I'd be exactly like her, I'd be everything you want if you'd just take the chance.
I hate her because I would be the same, and you still chose her.

The past few weeks.

They've been a blur, a painful one- I don't know, I've been hurting excessively lately, I don't know why, I don't really understand it... The amount of times I have/havenearly cried, in the past few weeks is ridiculous, I'm so stressed about everything, and I'm having trouble finding the light in any of the situations that keep popping up. I haven't seen 'him', so.. thats a plus... I suppose. god, i can't wait till this is over- I want this pain to stop.