The conversation.

Him: "whats up sis? haven't seen you in ages :( missing you"- it's been a week.
Me: Haha, awh. Hey, I miss you too. xD yeah i know right D: it's really shit when we don't work together. sup?"
Him: You know you're my sis ay. wouldn't let nothing happen to you :) never leave you sis"
Me: You drunk or something? awh. thaanks. love you long time. thanks for everything (:
him: I'm a little drunk. but I'll love you long time xoxox
me:hahahah. thought you might be. good to know man. i'll show you these messages when you sober up. you type fantastic for a drunk person.
him: ur a beautiful girl ay. u stress too much bout finding someone. just b urself.
Me: thaanks. but i'm really not at all. i'm not worried about finding anyone, i'm just sick of being the yucky one no one wants.
Him; ur not yucky. you're sexy.
me:hahahahahaha. you're so drunk. you make me laugh. i cant wait to show you these messages. /
him:i'm serious. youre gorgeous. u'll find someone great.
me;:yeahyeah whatevs bruss.
him: to tell you da truth, if i werent in a relationship i'd be hitting you up.
me: suuuure. ahha. you're so retarted.
NO REPLY.

SEEE!!!! I AM SO FUCKING CONFUSED!! GAH. I can't say that what he said didn't make me smile . of course it did, he called me beautiful again- then i suppose he was drunk. ugh. either way. he was drunk. but, i crossed his mind? that means soemthing to me, which is probably why i got so deep into my feelings. because i make nothing into something. just. argh. i was finally accepting that i'm never going to have a chance with him. now he is saying that! the not being in a relationship. i know he was just trying to make me feel better but now i'm going to be fucking waiting around FOR LONGER! for him to see. i don't know how i feel right now.. it's kind of like... i've got a chance. hold on. and then there is like...  fuck you. fuck you for confusing me and mucking with my fucking brain you retard!

I love him though... I wish he understood what i mean when I say things like "love you long time..." he'll never get it. I wish he knew.